For a while now I’ve been thinking about honour and what it really means to honour your husband. The more I thought about it the more I realised that submission is only possible if you honour your husband.
If you Google the definition of honour words like “high respect”, “great esteem” and “regard with great respect” come up. My understanding of honouring someone is to look for the gold in them. In other words see them how God has made them. Seeing someone this way can be challenging especially when they don’t behave in a way that lines up with how God made them. This is when I need to look extra carefully and hard to find the gold in them. When you look for the gold in someone it means that you choose to see the good in them no matter what. It’s also about choosing to communicate this to them and the world around you. Let me explain…
The way I can honour David, my husband is by choosing to see him how God made him – choosing to see all the positive things about him and not focusing on the negative. I can further honour him by telling him that I think he’s a great leader, great husband, that he’s doing a great job as a dad etc. I also honour him by telling other people this – telling them about the gold in David and not about all the things that may be frustrating me about him. When we speak negatively about our spouse we really don’t show them any honour. I also think there may be something in the bible about not speaking negatively about your spouse… I’m just too lazy to look it up right now.
If we don’t honour our husbands I don’t think submission is possible because we won’t believe that the decision your husband has made is for the best. This is the link between honour and submission. If we don’t see the good in them we won’t trust their decisions and we won’t want to submit. Submission is also a choice like honouring your husband. I choose to submit to David because I know he makes decisions after considering all the options and consulting God. I also know David makes his decision based on what he thinks is best. I get to show him honour by submitting to him thus showing him that I trust his decision. Even if he makes a mistake or I don’t think it’s the right decision I still need to choose to submit to him. This is only possible if I see the gold him.
I also think apart of honouring your husband is by calling out the gold in them. This is similar to telling them about the things you see in them but slightly different. My understanding of this is that when you see that your husband isn’t behaving in a way that lines up with how God sees them or how He’s created them to be we get to gently remind them of how God sees them and how he’s made them. This also helps with submission – instead of looking at the bad or negative in these situations you get to focus on the good in your husband.