I see you momma

This past week has been a rough week – well the past month has been rough but I think this past week took the cake. The baby lion had a mad fever, (mad as in 39.9 degrees). This meant that no one was sleeping, which wasn’t anything different than our new normal. We transitioned him from the cot to the “big boy bed”. This meant he could climb out of bed, run into our room and call out “MOMMY” at random intervals during the night. We decided on the 1000 walks approach for sleep training him and keeping him in bed. I’ll do another post on this when we see it’s worked fully – it was working… well we saw some progress but then the lion got sick. We don’t do sleep training while he’s sick.

Two days after the lion got sick David and I both caught the flu from him. We always say you should never get sick when your spouse is sick. I now want to add that you should try really hard to make sure everyone in your house isn’t sick at the same time. Friday and Saturday night were SUPER hard, I felt like death warmed up and all the lion cub wanted was mom. He also wasn’t eating food no matter how hard we tried. All he wanted was milk from mom. At around 12pm today I felt like I was going a little bit crazy. The lion had been lying on me for an hour, every time I moved him off me he started crying. I had a massive headache and all I wanted was to go downstairs to take some Panado and to get away from the current situation. I did get away from the situation – David took him and put him to sleep.

While I was downstairs waiting for the Panado to kick in, I sat on the couch saying to God; “I don’t want to be a wife or a mom right now. I just want to be single so I can lie on the couch and be sick and focus on getting better”. In this moment two things sprang to mind, this snippet from Matthew 9:22 ““Take heart, daughter,” he said,” and this snippet from Hebrews 12:1 “And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us”. These two snippets reminded me of things the holy spirit had spoken into my heart earlier this year which in this moment made me realise that God really sees me. God saw me in my flu induced exhaustion and he was like “I see you my child”.

I know this is a season – the toddler season. I know it will pass and one day the baby lion will no longer want to climb into bed with me, he’ll no longer be drinking milk from me or coming to me to fix everything. BUT today, (in this specific moment) in the crazy of a week of no to little sleep with a sick husband and sick child, as well me being sick – it’s hard. It’s hard to keep choosing this but I do because I know God sees me and holds me up so I can continue running the race He’s set out for me. I also know this season will pass and even though it’s hard it will be good.

xKx

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