What would it take for you to live like you are loved, just that way you are right now – in this moment? If I were to be brutally honest I don’t think I have an answer for this question. The reason for this is because the thought of being loved just as I am seems to be something that can’t be attained. It’s almost like there is always something in the way, well thoughts of how I can be a better person or be more pretty etc. before I can be loved or liked. Deep down we all want this, to be liked/loved just as we are. It reminds me of that scene in Bridget Jones Diary where Mark Darcy tells Bridget that he likes her very much, just the way she is, (if you want to watch it here’s a link to the scene: just the way you are clip). I’ve played this scene out in my head a few time longing for a guy to say this to me, and I know David has said this to me since we started dating and have been married. Once I had heard it, it didn’t change anything because there were still all the “if only I was prettier, thinner, better at… etc.” thoughts that still fill my head, which kind of cancels out what David had said to me about liking me the way I am.
I think the only way to find the answer to the question I’m asking is to fully understand how much God loves us. I know in my head that He loves me unconditionally, just the way I am but often the heart knowledge gets a bit lost. This morning I was listening to a song by Hawk Nelson, Live Like You’re Loved and I was reminded of this again. I was reminded that I’ve been living more in head space of not knowing my worth or beauty and more in the head space of striving for perfection and not being good enough. It’s crazy how these thoughts just creep in and then all of a sudden you’re no longer in that place of grace or standing on the truth of “God calls me beautiful”, “I am worthy” etc. and now I need to change my head knowledge back to heart knowledge, which is a lot easier to say than it is to do.
The way I help the process of head knowledge becoming heart knowledge in this case is I’ll draw close to God by going through scripture that I have highlighted regarding my worth and how God sees me. Song of Songs 2:10 “How beautiful you are, my darling, How beautiful you are! Your eyes are like doves” is one of my favourite verses to meditate on during this kind of process, another is Isaiah 52:7 “How lovely on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news…” I also ask God to show me again how He sees me, to soften my heart where it’s gotten a bit hard and to reveal any lie I’m holding onto, which I then work through with Him. I don’t think there is a fixed formula for making head knowledge heart knowledge – it’s often different every time but it always involves me going to father God to work through it all.
One of my favourite two lines in the song is “This perfection you’re chasing is just energy wasted, cause He loves you like you are” and “His love has made you more than enough, so go ahead and be who he made you to be”. I like these lines because they remind me that it doesn’t matter what I’m doing, what I look like or what I think – God loves me just the way I am and all I need to do is go an be who He’s created to be – Katherine, His daughter, David’s wife, Noah’s mother, daughter, friend and someone who loves people like He loves. It reminds me that I am enough to do this, even on the bad days because of His grace and mercy. It’s also not about what everyone else thinks, it’s about what God thinks and he already thinks we’re pretty wonderful.