Sometimes you can stand in a room surrounded by people you know and feel alone. Sometimes you can get completely overwhelmed by the simple tasks of the day. Sometimes life can feel like you’re just living inside of a black hole.
A few months ago this is how life felt for me. Some how I had slipped into a black hole of depression without realising it. I can’t pin point what caused it or when it started but before long everything I did felt like it was difficult. I would get completely overwhelmed by something as small as packing the dish washer or packing Noah’s lunch. The thought of having to plan something would send me down a spiral of anxiety. I felt so isolated, I would be around my friends and feel like I dont belong. I would go to church and be surrounded by my community and feel like I dont belong their either. I felt like I was just another number at church or in my group of friends. I felt like no one would miss me if I was gone. It wasn’t a pretty place to be in. It’s also not an easy place to get out of. I’m pretty blessed to know someone who could get me out of my black hole and that was Jesus. It was awesome how He just showed up, bent down and reached into my hole and said; “come… You do matter, you are a great mom and we can get through this.” I was then left with the choice of either choosing Jesus and getting up out of my hole to move towards him, or I could stay sitting in my hole.
I chose Jesus and realised so much about hope in the process. Hope is so much more than a wish for something, for example hope is more than “I hope the weather is nice tomorrow” etc. It’s being confident in what God has said he will. It’s drawing strength from God’s faithfulness, it’s being able to draw strength from the promise of who God is and that you will be victorious in the end.
During this process I realised that you also need to place your hope in the correct place. If you place your hope in friends, community, spouse – anything other than God all you have is happiness. When these things don’t meet your expectations you end up hurt, etc. and you are also no longer happy. When you place your hope in God you have joy – which is way more than an emotion.
It’s been three months since I made the choice to move towards Jesus and out of the black hole and there are still some days where it’s a challenge to choose Jesus and to choose joy, especially when Noah hasn’t slept through the night for two night in a row or when he’s fussing all day long. It’s also a challenge when I go onto social media and see how great other moms are doing or how great their kids are. Comparison is a joy stealer – the best thing to stop comparing yourself to others is to stand in the truth of who God has made you to be… And to remove yourself from social media or the situation that is causing you to compare yourself to.
Hope is a powerful tool to have in your belt. It’s a choice I need to make daily. I know for a fact that when I choose Jesus – hope and joy certainly follow and it’s so good.